The right words to say when someone has lost a child


The death of a child is unnatural, unfair and tragic. If you've never experienced a loss like this, it can be very difficult to know what to say.

It is natural that friends of grieving parents want to help, but cannot find the right words. What you say and what you don't say can have a profound effect on the person in need.

In this article, we will discuss how to talk to a grieving person. It will also provide advice on what to say and what not to say to grieving parents.

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What to say to a grieving parent

Parents who have lost a child want to feel supported in their grief . They want permission to cry in their own way.

Grieving parents need to feel that their children's lives are important. They want to know that their child means something to other people who knew and loved them. You can meet these needs in the following ways:

  • Please express your condolences . 'I'm very sorry for your loss' is a good example.
  • Offer unlimited support . 'If there's anything I can do, let me know. I am ready to help with anything. "
  • Offer silence . Don't feel like you need to fill an empty silence. Get used to silence. It is enough to be physically present with the grieving parents.
  • When the time comes, tell me what the deceased child meant to you. This may not be appropriate immediately after the child's death. When the time is right, it may be important for parents to listen to you talk about what the deceased child meant to you. You can also share a favorite memory to make it more personal.

Prepare by knowing what to say. But don't try to come up with a specific game plan or expectation. Be present and trust yourself to know when to speak up and when not to.

What not to say to grieving parents

What you don't say is as important as what you say.

  • Don't say you know how a grieving parent feels.
  • Never say, "It should have been for the best" or "This is God's will." You cannot realize loss in this way. Making statements like this can make parents feel like you are minimizing the likelihood of their child dying.
  • Never say that your child is getting better. This will not comfort grieving parents who are in the worst position they have ever been in.
  • Don't exaggerate your parents' story by telling one of your own. It is time for them to grieve. Focus on them.
  • Don't mention the grieving schedule. Don't talk about the stages of grief . The duel does not follow a timeline or go through predictable stages.

As a general rule, avoid talking about meaning and trying to improve the situation. Accept that you may feel uncomfortable and helpless. Most mistakes happen because you are not ready and say something to try to hide or overcome these normal feelings.

Continue in the same spirit

Anyone who loses a child will never "get back to normal." They will never "survive" the death of their child. The loss of a child transforms a person forever.

Support your lost close friend or loved one for who they are and what they will become as they adjust to their loss.


Sometimes it can be difficult to find the right words to tell a person that they have lost a child. The best way to support someone is to express your sincere condolences and unlimited support.

What you don't say is as important as what you say. Do not try to understand the death of the child or say that he is in a better position. Don't mention the schedule.

Nobody experiences the death of a child. The best thing to do is support the grieving parent as they adjust to their loss.

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